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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Three more days to go

We find ourselves arriving at Wednesday, which gives me three more working days before breaking for Christmas.  The rest of the family are spending their days doing nothing, due to a combination of illness, bad weather and UTTER BONE IDLENESS.  I on the other had am slavishly applying myself to work matters to enable me to provide for myself, my family and my new shed.  To say that I would rather be doing most anything else is to inquire as to the ablution habits of bears etc etc but needs must, and maybe there is no point running up the rhododendron tree until the rats have fled, so onwards I march.

What I am trying to do, in case you were not sure, is to use up my 750 words and yet say absolutely nothing.  My mailbag is testament to that.  As Mrs Trellis of North Wales said just last week:

Dear Mr Humphries,

I was appalled on tuning in this morning to hear a torrent of blatant filth, with terms such as 'Big Bang', 'Large Firm Success', 'Satisfying Performance', and worst of all, 'Job Blows'. It was the most disgusting edition of the Today Programme's Business Report ever!

Yours faithfully,

Mrs. Trellis
Maybe if we both just agree it was about 750 words, we can call it quits now and get on with something more interesting

1 comment:

Golfy said...

Dear Mr Humphies,

That was just starting to get interesting for the first time since I started reading your ...ermm... publication? and all of a sudden it went and stopped in mid flow. It really is preposterous and I've writtento my MP by way of complaint in the vain hope that he might at least stop fondling with his secretary on his expense account and do something about it.

On a related note, Mr Trellis also has also recently aquired a shed. If you don't mind me asking, what do you boys use them for? Mr TRellis seems to be gone for hours at a time and I don't know what he was using to prop up his side of the bed, but it's now decidedly saggy. I've also noticed that "her at number 40" is also missing for hours at a time, often at the same time as Mr Trellis claims to be "busy in the shed"...

Any light you can shed (pardon the paronomasia, but we don't get many big knobs like yourself up our way)

Yours Faithfully
Mrs. Trellis

PS: Thanks for reading my letter out on air.