It's all in the numbers

GOOD NEWS: Well I'll be tuggered, Golfy has only been and gone and done it. I now have a read count on my blog.

BAD NEWS: Now people know the paltry number of people reading my blog.

Well, you cannot hide the truth. Well, obviously, with statistics of course you can hide the truth. You can even create a whole new truth with statistics. In fact, when you come to really think about it, in the world of statistics, the sky can be any colour.

Squirrels. Don't you just love them. Golfy's nickname for me is Squirrel. It is a reference to a scene or two in Up. You know the one, where the dogs are chatting and half way through a sentence one shouts "Squirrel". All the dogs look at the same spot on the horizon for 2 seconds, then continue on chatting as if the squirrel had never existed. Apparently, if Golfy is to be believed (and let's be honest, there is a lot to believe), then that is me. I am king of the digression, and I am very proud of that title. When I talk, everyone else is either confused at best, lost at worst, and maybe even thinking "what has this person been drinking?".

I am in a meeting at the moment, and we are discussing getting up early and doing exercise and blogging and other stuff. The scottish bloke can do exercise, but not blogging. The west country guy can do blogging and a bit of exercise. The really good looking and charismatic one (me, of course) does blogging a bit, exercise not much, but holidaying a lot. I can holiday anywhere, anytime and with anyone, and that is what makes me tick. Give me sun, or quiet, and no access to TV or phone, and I can become very happy. Throw in an egg bap, cup of tea and a slice of cake for afters, followed by a game or two of Canasta, then I am in seventh heaven.

It reminds me of the tale when a slug meets a centipede on the road, and the slug says to the centipede "How do you walk with all those legs?". The centipede thinks about it for a while, and trips over his own feet. Moral of the story, is probably something about not thinking too hard about stuff before doing it. Like when I was young, I used to try and ride my bike along the top of a low wall. This is a wall that is about 25cm wide (10 inches on old money) and a drop of about 1 metre (3 feet in old money). Now, if I was trying to ride along a white line painted on the floor that was 25cm wide, then I could easily do that. No problem. Take that white line and suspend it 1m above the ground, then it becomes a totally different experience. Thinking too much about the pain if I fall see. I can do it, but the impending pain makes me think too much. Result? Bruised shins and a feeling that I won't ever be trying that again.

So, where was I?

Benjamin Sniddlegrass and the Cauldron of Penguins

Some of you may know what "Benjamin Sniddlegrass and the Cauldron of Penguins" is all about, but I am guessing that some of you don't have the faintest idea what I am talking about. Let me explain.

I am a big fan of the Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo film review radio slot on Radio 5, which I catch on Podcast. Mark has a doctorate in something probably rather trivial - but don't tell him I said that because I was only trying to be funny, not to insult him although to be honest, I have more chance of winning the lottery 2 weeks in a row than him finding out, so if you do bump in to him, please say "hi" from me - so is often referred to as "the Good Doctor". So, the Good Doctor reviews films, and does so in quite an amusing way.

One of the films he has reviewed this yeas is Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief. He is not much impressed with this film. It is, I am reliably informed, directed by the director of the first two Harry Potter films, and is such a seemingly blatent rip off of HP that Mark very much questions the point of its existence. Having seen the trailers, I expect my vote would come down on the Good Doctor's side every time. During one of his rants, he made some comment about how pointlessly the same as HP it was, and why did they not just call it "Benjamin Sniddlegrass and the Cauldron of Penguins" to really make the point that it was indeed a pointless rip off of the relatively original HP (which itself has had a plagarism charge made against it).

So, it turns out that I am not the only person on this planet who listens to the good doctor, whether live, via the internet or on podcast. I may be the only sane listener however, because one or more of his followers has been rather inspired by BSatCoP and started a blog, has created a poster and generally grasped the baton with a vigour and creativeness that means that, within our lifetime, someone will probably have made a film with that title!

So, anyway, back to the reason why the phrase "Benjamin Sniddlegrass and the Cauldron of Penguins" came into being. Mark K absolutely hates this film because it has no purpose, except, in his words, as a way to mercilessly make money.

So, being a balanced kind of individual, I feel the need to put forward an alternative viewpoint. Maybe actually it is because I simply like to argue the opposite of anyone I meet.

So, maggot 1 went to see this film for the second time at the weekend with our friend's daughter who is 12. He loved it as much as the first time, and she loved it for the first time. But the point is, they both loved it.

Now, we have another friend whose child has watched Cars probably 100 times. He loves Cars. Actually, I love Cars, and have even shed a tear at one bit ... when I got something in my eye. Anyhow, if we told this child there was a film like Cars, called Broom Brooms or something, then he would be over the moon. Another film AS GOOD AS CARS, that is amazing. I am guessing now, but I reckon the child would absolutely love Broom Brooms. I am also guessing a bit, but I would imagine that the Good Doctor would absolutely HATE Broom Brooms for the same reason as he hates Percy Jackson.

So, who is right?

They both are, obviously, because film is art and art is subjective. I love Radiohead. Many people I know do not. I love Marmite, and I am led to believe there are some who don't. I even love The Cardiacs, Cardinal Sin and the Bum Notes and Tom Waits, and you can be damn sure that there are plenty of people who have never heard of them, and if they have hate them.

But I digress again. The actual point of all these words is to say that yes, PJ is a bit derivative, and yes, it looks very much like a cynical attempt to extract money from young folks who don't know better. They don't have the experience and depth of knowledge the Good Doctor has, and they are obviously enjoying different things than he is. But, I tell you, there is someone down our way who absolutely loved the first film, and cannot wait until PJ the sequel is released. He even went to the World Book Day at his school dressed as none other than Percy Jackson. Obviously, he had to explain to everyone who he was, and for some being told did not improve their understanding, but hey, as Esther Rantzen often said, that's life.

750 Words and what do you get....

... another day older and deeper in debt.

So goes the old miner's song, where they sold their souls to the company store.

In the modern day reinterpretation of this old classic:

- Starfleet is playing the part of the company store
- Words are playing the part of 16 tons of coal
- Aging and Debt are playing themselves.

For further reference, please see the following: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sixteen_Tons

I have been nagged by my fellow blogger Golfy to do this blog, and his stinging words have forced me in to action.

I guess I should tell you a bit about Golfy. You can see his blog from the link to the left hand side of this page, and I urge you to read his blog because he makes you very glad you are not him. Only joking, he has a fine turn of phrase, and while I understand almost nothing he writes, I am sure it is all very interesting. I can tell you that he comes from the wild west, or Gloucestershire as we know it now, and he tinkles when he walks by virtue of his spurs, his unfeasibly large, um, insteps, and also due the large amount of small change that he carries in his pockets. The said small change is of course to put in his hat when he is busking, so that people passing think "boy, he must be good!". To be honest, once you have seen one naked tap dancer, you have seen them all, but he does have a neat trick where he can make his left nipple rotate clockwise while simultaneously making his belly button rotate anti-clockwise and his comb-over do the Hokey Cokey.
The other thing about Golfy is that he likes Apple Macs. If you don't know what these are, then all I can say is that they are basically like Swing-ball, but with a screen. He is a prodigious technical talent, which means that he provides free technical support for everyone from his mother-in-law to his mate's wife. And me.

So if you are trying to work out the relevance of 750 words, you can read more here http://750words.com/. This is what inspired me to start this blog, and the key message from it is that writing every day helps to clean the soul etc etc. It doesn't have to be anything very profound, just a stream of consciousness, sort of a sauna sweat session for the brain. Now you know this, I think you can see that I have taken the "does not need to be about anything in particular" bit very seriously, not least in this entry.

Well, all to say is have a lovely weekend and let's meet up again next week. I am off to see Traces, which is "A high energy, dazzling display of urban acrobatics". I am expecting Cirque de Soleil transported to the streets of Brixton, and will let you know whether I got that right or not on Monday.

ttfn.

Mini Sales School

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday this week on a Mini Sales School course. This is like normal sales school, but smaller. No minis were hurt in the making of the course. It was a very intense 2 days, with day one giving us the "tools" to manage and structure a sales call, and day two giving us a chance to sharpen our blunt tools during two simulated sales calls.
Simulations are strange things. They are most definitely artificial, in an Instant Whip kind of way, yet they are also useful ways to practice and do fulfil a need, just like an Instant Whip. Some people approach them as about as frightening an event as they have ever had to do, and the sense of nerves in some was amazing to see, and not something I could particularly relate to.
As for how I did, I did alright really. I managed to sell the double glazing manager some Starfleet laptops to reward her top performers, rather than them getting a skiing holiday. Oh how those sales folks must be cursing me ;-)

This was a two day, one night event, and so that meant the obligatory evening meal, which was great fun. A couple of beers and some red wine made sure I had a "healthy" glow, and avoiding the shots, non-flaming zambuchas (without the flames due to health and safety!) and depth charges that some of the group decided to partake in after the meal ensured that I, at least, was able to walk in to the training room next morning unaided, and with my eyes fully open. They were living proof that you are never old enough to know better.

The inevitable consequence of two days getting an educashun is, of course, an overflowing Inbox. Thursday morning was therefore partially spent clearing that down, attending to any urgent ones and generally getting my feet back under the metaphorical desk. The early start, as previously mentioned, was very useful in helping sort this out in a relatively painless way.

So now I find myself on Friday, preparing for a call today and meeting next week to close my biggest outstanding solution. I am hoping my absence from the customer offices will not set me back in my quest to get the thing signed. I am also hoping, as my already trained sales colleagues has been ribbing me about, that Mini Sales School did teach me something, and I am able to put in to practice some of the stuff I learned. Here's hoping.