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Friday, 20 January 2012

And . . . relax

Now that the year has started in earnest, and I am pretty much up to fifth gear now with work, it is OK to relax again.  Not too much of course, that way lies disaster, but with two youngish Maggots and a young wife, let's just say the opportunities are not that forthcoming.

This weekend, we have an evening out at A&E's which will, as always, be a fun gastronomic evening full of lively banter right up to the point I gently nod off.  This is not to say that the others are not capable of lively banter, quite the opposite in fact, especially after the third bottle, however it is true to say that any such banter by and large passes me by.

We are also playing host to the outlaws for Sunday lunch, where I may be forced to share a glass of red with father-in-law, it being rude to refuse and all that, so from late Sunday afternoon, it is entirely possible that, once again, the lively banter will cease, for me at least.

Otherwise, it is a normal weekend with tennis and swimming for the Maggots, some home stuff for the adults, some food, some relaxation and some other stuff that is quite hard to classify.

I hope that yours is normal or abnormal, or whatever is the norm in your house.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

What the Romans did not invent

Now, it is well known to any Monty Python fan that the Romans invented everything, but sitting, as I am, listening to a training session using the medium of conference call, I am prepared to bet my bottom dollar that the Romans took one look at conference calls and thought "let's leave that for the Scots".  I am trying to find an analogy that gets even close to the buttock-clenching pointlessness of such an experience, but am struggling.  The idea of emptying the ocean with a teacup would kind of work were it not for the fact that, whilst slow, you would actually make some semblance of progress.  Perhaps the sound of one hand clapping would work, except you might just miss and strike you right hand with your left.

So, bereft of suitable analogies, I will instead try to explain IN PLAIN ENGLISH what the speaker on the call singularly failed to do.  Now, I should explain, English was not his first language, that would be either German or Dutch, but that was not the problem; his English was flawless and considerably better than both my German and my Dutch, in fact probably better than my English.  If I am honest, you do need to concentrate slightly harder when the speaker has English as a second language, but in a way, just like watching films with subtitles, the very act of concentrating a bit harder does enable you to get more out of the content.  However, the things he was telling me, things I sensed I should really understand, were not going in.  A quick instant chat with a colleague confirmed that at a minimum, the people on the call that did not understand what the devil was going on numbered at least two.

So, tell me, I hear you cry, before I lose the will to live, what was this conference call like?  Well, you know how people who know a subject very well sometimes forget the little things the rest of us do not yet know, so their descriptions start half way up, whereas, to grasp the meaning they need to start at the bottom and explain the easy stuff first.

It was a bit like that.

You know when you sit next to someone on the train, and some incident throws you together and he starts talking to you, but the stuff he is talking about is of no interest to you, Warcraft, Morris Dancing, constipation in wildfowl, something like that, and you realise that there are many many things, most of which will cause you great discomfort, that you would rather be doing than continue listening to him.

It was a bit like that.

You know when you are in a room and someone makes a joke and everyone laughs except you because you do not get it, and really most of the others don't get it either but they are assuming everyone else does so are laughing just in case.

It was a bit like that.

The call has ended now, and I can confidently and categorically confirm two things:

  • that is one and a half hours of my life that I will never get back
  • I do not have even one atom's worth of additional knowledge now it is over.  Indeed, in the US there is a microscope so powerful that it can see an individual atom, and yet that is still not powerful enough to see the learning I have just received*
I hope that your day is going better than mine.  I SAID, I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING BETTER THAN MINE.

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* Apologies to Frasier for that particular plagiarism

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Half way through

I find myself at Wednesday, and that represents a high point rather than a dip, although that then suggests Friday is lower than Wednesday which is also not right, so maybe it is really an upward slope to Wednesday, then flat until Friday at 4pm, then a steep rise which statisticians call the yippee! peak.

I am on a conference call that is a daily routine call.  It is very necessary for our process, however the very fact that it is repeating and a call that is like the torch at the end of the tunnel, bringing us more work, means that it should be deemed as devil's doings.  This is how I have always viewed it prior to New Year, however as part of my "things I may try to do this year*" I have decided to take a different view of the calls, and rather than see it is a tedious chore, see it as a chance to spend some time with good people, to have some fun and to take the opportunity to make some connections in this remote organisation within which I work.  So far, this is going pretty well.

The only other thing of note for today is that I have my annual appraisal.  This is a big event for any person working in Starfleet, although in reality all the hard work was done last year, both in terms of the things I did and my reporting of them, and also my manager's assessment of the results.  This is therefore a small piece of Pantomime where we discuss how I think my year went, followed by a proclamation of how that contribution was ranked, followed by the slightly more useful discussion as to what the year holds and what things I should be looking to take on, learn or get experience of to maintain the upward development of my career, and indeed my career outlook.  i.e. keep ahead of the pack so that you are not the one the lion catches, if you get my meaning.

Otherwise, this will be a day that will be important as it is passing, but soon forgotten in the annuls of history.

I hope your annuls are going well.


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* i.e. most definitely not resolutions

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Cruising

As is the wont of both language and humans, this word has gained additional meanings as time has passed.  There is the Sixties meaning, when young guns and their V12 cruisers strutted their stuff up and down the local boulevard.  There is the Nineties/Noughties and beyond meaning which is most familiar to Golfy and Bad Man, the full meaning of which we must withhold for the sake of decency.  Finally, there is the meaning for "people of a certain age", whose vacation of choice is fully inclusive on a floating hotel visiting various locations in the Mediterranean, or maybe further afield if the Saga brochure is selling them this year.  This is, of course, and out of date stereotype, since there are cruises specifically aimed at families; indeed good friends have been on one and enjoyed it very much.

I have to be honest, and indeed have said the same to our friends, that I am still not convinced as to whether a cruise is for me.  Having seen the recent news on the Concordia cruise ship, I cannot believe that cruise company stocks are the clever investment right now, and a cruise is now even further down my list of things that I hope to do.  The most recent pictures I have seen are of a scuba diver in a half-submerged corridor, presumably looking for the missing people, although sadly at this time that may well be missing bodies.  The whole thing is desperately sad for all those that have lost their holidays, or worse their loved ones, for the employees who may well be ex-employees, and the environmental issue that the metal mountain of a ship has presented to the local authorities.  How do you remove that much metal?

I would like to end on a lighter note, but checking the news, there is no lighter note, except the rescue of a horse who fell off a cliff which may just about count.

Other than that, the sun is sort of shining and I only have five conference calls today.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Black Monday

Today is, apparently, Black Monday; the worst day of the year, caused by a combination of bad/cold weather, post-Christmas poverty and over-weightedness, and not a lot to look forward to but cold and wet weather, likely snow and all its associated disruptions, and the odd cold or flu bout as the icing on the cake.

Looking out the window, it is quite cold - tick - and we are overdrawn - tick - and my trousers did feel a bit tight this morning - tick - but overall this Monday feels not so very different from any other Monday.  A small part of me is still wishing it was Sunday night, fair doos, but overall it is not so bad.

I guess it is the Emperor's Clothes Syndrome, where the very act of wishing it makes it so.  As the old saying goes "If you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right".  So I plan to make black the new white and look forward to a fantastic Monday full of joy and fun.  And yes, I have just had my Scobi-latte.

Only other news is poor old Maggot 2 had another bout of sickness.  He was very matter-of-fact about it, the first we know of it was the sound of heaving in the upstairs toilet, and the announcement "My tummy was feeling a bit funny, so I thought I was going to do that".  Needless to say it was muggins who had to clear the lumps out the sink, but then we all have our roles in life.

Have a good week and speak again soon.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Something new

The something new in question is me blogging on a Saturday.  As I am sure you know, I tend to blog three to four times a week, occasionally more, and sometimes less, but there or there abouts.  There is no real reason for this; empirical evidence points to a combination of me not having that much to say and a bit of busyness and wotnot*.

Anyhow, I am on the laptop researching shower panels* and, in the best tradition of "male doing task at weekend", this soon nested in to me sending a quick email, and whilst doing that having an enforced reboot inflicted on me, followed by a quick tidy up of my desktop.  Whilst rebooting I went to make a cuppa, needed a pee, then found the toilet rolls needed putting away and while doing that I stumbled on the Araldite I had been looking for earlier in the week.  Anyhow, I finally got to an open browser*** and couldn't resist checking out Golfy and Bad Man and Gorse Fox to see what they have been up to**** and then, drawn like a moth to a flame, like a bee to a honey pot***** or flies to ... well you get the drift ... I ended up on my own blog.  Why not write a page today, I thought.  And here I am.  Having spent around 260 words to tell you why I am blogging, I have pretty much run out of things to say.

Only thing of note was that poor old Maggot 2 had a bout of vomiting last night.  It started with a bit of tummy ache and a lack of appetite for tea, ending in him limping up to LO, who was having a bath, to say he was not well and then be sick on the floor.  We camped him out on the sofa with duvet and bowl, and he was sick three more times, so we put him up on the camp bed in our room where he had one small bout, only to sleep like a baby.  This morning he seems back to full strength, and has had so far two glasses of apple juice with no negative reaction, so next step is some breakfast and, hopefully, back to the little Maggot we know and love.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

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* Now that's what I call heavy-weight scientific analysis
** a potential alternative to tiles, and alternative I wish to research and understand having just spent way too long cleaning grout at the end of the process of decorating and generally tidying up our existing bathroom
*** Chrome, if you are interested, and very happy with it I am
**** Not a lot by all accounts, ha ha
***** Everyone knows that bees visit flowers to make honey and, as a rule, do not much car for the end product.  That role is reserved for wasps, an insect which I am sure that even Mother Nature sometimes wonders "Now why did I make those?"

Friday, 13 January 2012

And . . . relax

Considering that this is the first full week at work after a four day week last week and 11 days off for Christmas the week before, Friday really has come round pretty quickly this week.  That is not to say that it was not a blur, because it most definitely was.


Only notable part for me was the funeral for Mrs Yaxley, who was a Teaching Assistant for the Reception class at the Maggots' school.  She was a fantastic person and wonderful with all the children, including both Maggots, for whom Mrs Yaxley was a caring and important person in their first year at school.  She died on 20th December and Thursday was the day of the funeral, and in the morning, the funeral procession made a detour via the school, where the Year 4, 5 and 6 children stood solemnly by the road as the entourage passed slowly by, led by a funeral directly walking ahead of the hearse.  It was for me a touching moment and it was good to be able to give my last respects.  I hope she is at peace.


This weekend we are not doing much, which is just what the doctor ordered, what with all the Maggot clubs and LO's course work and two lots of Governor's Meetings and work and decorating the bathroom*.  We are expecting a visit from David and Samantha for Sunday lunch, which is also just what the doctor ordered, and we have all promised to be strong and not drink alcohol.... hopefully.


I hope you have just the weekend for which you were looking (dang if that just don't sound wrong).


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* keep it calm, take a breath

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Holes

Now, if it takes two men one day to dig a hole...


The electrical issues outside our house seem to have been resolved and due process has now deemed it time to fill the hole in.  The "filling in soil and rubble" team did their work yesterday, having deposited a good portion of it on our wall (and in fairness then cleaned it all off at the end).  The "putting the tarmac on top" team arrived this morning and have just departed, having completed their work.  We now have our pavement back.


Nothing much else to say, except that I did see the following quote, which tickled me:


What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.  Dave Barry 



Monday, 9 January 2012

It's a new day, a new dawn....

I have that Virgin ad in my brain, but I think I should apologise anyway, even though I am not quite sure to what I am apologising*.

We have a fantastic weekend.  It was E's 50th birthday, and A had put on a fantastic evening of entertainment.  It was hosted at their next door neighbour's house, who are also their best friends, an house that has recently undergone a fairly radical remodelling and the resultant open plan kitchen, dining and sitting area is a fantastic space for a party of twenty people.  The first part of the evening was spent with a magician going round doing close up magic, which was really quite something.  Even though there were bits of bits that I sort of nearly thought I knew how it was done, overall he was truly amazing, and I have the folded card with my signature on it as a souvenir.
The second part of the evening was the eating, accompanied by some wine tasting.  We tested 3 whites and 3 reds, plus a dessert wine, and the compère for this section was bonkers and great fun.  All the wine was organic, sourced from small vineyards from France to Argentina, via South Africa and Italy.  Now, here's a fact that I can confirm, and that I did not know previously.  Organic wine does not give you a hangover.  I drank enough to feel rough all day, however the only ill-effects was a bit of tiredness, which is almost normal for me, and a very faint head feeling - not a headache as such, more a sense that a headache had passed through and found things not to its liking.
Anyhow, while the price tag is slightly higher, I think that may be a price worth paying, and we may be sampling a few more organic wines in the future.

Sunday was passing as Sundays do, until mid afternoon when two Southern Electric vans turned up outside our house, and then three men and a mini digger proceeded to dig up the pavement outside our house.  Next door had electricity feed problems, and as part of the digging, we were without electricity for several hours.  The Maggots were beside themselves, putting out candles and collecting wood for the fire, and we spent a very pleasant, warm but slightly dark few hours playing Monopoly.  Suddenly you realise all the things that do run on electricity, including the heating and hot water boiler, and perhaps appreciate them all the more when they are finally returned to one.

Have a great week, and speak soon.

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* This is, as any married man will tell you, one of the 397 key rules to a happy marriage.

Friday, 6 January 2012

And . . . (don't) relax

While I find myself conveniently at Friday, for this week, and maybe this week only, the last think I need to do is relax.  I had eleven days of that over Christmas, and look where that got me.  This week has been as hard a week as I can remember*, and getting up to speed with real life has been hard.  It may even be true to say that while the rest of the world is cruising in fifth, I am only just moving up in to third gear and to be honest looking for the next service station so I can pull over for a quick power nap, in fact it may even be just a normal nap, which as any budding Sunday afternoon nap expert will tell you revolves around contorting the body in to an infeasible position and placing one's mouth in the open position, at a slight angle to ensure that the dribble comes out only one side of the mouth**.

So, this Friday finds me looking forward to a couple of days off.  We have a big surprise party on Saturday***, and I do plan to re-decorate the main bathroom, so it will be busy but relaxed, with a bit of over-indulgence in the middle.

One final note.  I saw this on the BBC News website, and it did amuse me.  I assume they polled the men as they left the pub since it looked like the sort of non-article that make all the better reading for being so.  I was amused by the comment in

the article:

  • The study compiled from the results of the survey found that 80% of men who responded engaged regularly in conversation about one another's bodies.
Now titter ye not and all that, but I have to admit this did raise an eyebrow.

I hope your weekend finds the correct balance of ingredients to bake a perfect two-day break.


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* although, it should be said that the limit of memory may well be limited, a combination of age and mince pie poisoning.
** We all know that you can tell when an idiot is on level ground, because the dribbles comes out evenly each side of their mouth.
***  One may question the logic of broadcasting a surprise on the internet, however one may also want to check how many people read this Blog, since that mitigates the majority of the risk.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

I Saw a Good Film During the Break

I had a rare visit to the local cinema, without children and instead in the company of David and Samantha.  This was following by a fantastic Thai meal afterwards, during which we spent plenty of time de-briefing on the film.

The film in question was The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the English-speaking version with Daniel Craig.  I have to say, and hopefully it is not just that I don't get out much, that I found the film fantastic.  It was long, around two and a half hours, but the time just flew, and the intensity of the film made for a heavy but highly enjoyable experience.  There was the wince-inducing scene, which did indeed induce a wince from me and the whole audience, but also a "go girl" shout from the elderly gentleman in the front row, his sexual equality credentials belying his age and condition.

I have read all 3 books, and seen the Danish version of the film.  As far as the book-to-film issue is concerned, the two and a half hours did mean that more of the story could be included, but having said that there were small changes to the plot and big bits of plot missed out, but on the whole it conveyed very well the essence of the book and managed to cover most bases.  I also much preferred it to the Danish version, which was not hard as I did not like the Danish version much at all, which was a surprise since I am usually drawn to the dark and pared down approach the Scandinavians have to film making, but in this instance they let me down.

Overall, I would not hesitate in recommending it for anyone who likes a good film.

I also received The Killing, the original Danish version, as a box-set for Christmas.  Having watched the US version of The Killing, which we loved, and then the Danish version of The Killing II, which we loved possibly even more, we were ready to complete our education by watching The Killing.  We are on Episode 3 and are already hooked.  There is the inevitable comparison to the US version, from which it does differ in little ways*, but so far we are enjoying it immensely.  For us, the act of having to read subtitles means that we need to concentrate one hundred percent since even blinking for more than a second can miss important bits of plot.  This means that you really do get in to the plot and the action, totally absorbed by a totally absorbing story line.  Again, if you are liking what you are hearing, I strongly recommend these also.  Can't wait for the US remake of The Killing II.

I am up North today, at a Starfleet office near Heathrow, so am planning to soon make the long journey back down to the land of the sane that is the South coast, hoping I can do so before I catch any of the dodgy little illnesses from which they seem to suffer up this way.

Until next time.


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* Or, to be precise, there are little ways the US remake differs from the Danish original, but I did not want to split hairs in the main body, but down here in the footnotes, anything and everything goes

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Happy New Year

I am expecting to be saying this a lot over the next few days, as I slow make contact with all my regular colleagues.  It is always nice to catch up with friends and colleagues but that is a very small positive set against a fairly heavy negative that is returning to work, having to wake up and get up earlier, making school lunches and all the other stuff that the real world needs us to do.

We had a fantastic break.  It included all the usual stuff, and in addition it included a large amount of doing nothing.  As a family, we have an incredible capacity for doing nothing, and we put that talent to very good use.  We caught up on a number of films that were either recorded on the Humax (beautiful piece of equipment, if you are interested) or received as presents.  The Maggots spent plenty of time mastering a Super Mario Brothers on the Wii, and the three of us also got stuck in to FIFA 2012, which has some good improvements over the 2009 version we had previously.

I also managed to eat my body weight in food every day, and therefore start the new year on the annual diet, which starts on January 1st and runs until December 31st, with several stops and starts through the year.  This year I really do intend to do something about it, because I am getting older etc. etc. etc.

I made only one resolution, which was:
  • To not make any this year and see how it goes
I am quite pleased with that one, and really feel motivated and positive that I will be able to maintain it through the year.

Otherwise, I am now caught up in that painful but necessary activity of getting used to normal working life again, so can expect a few shin splints and hissy fits along the way.

I hope your New Year has started as positively as mine.