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Tuesday, 3 August 2010

So, what was it I wanted to say?

Having read yesterday's blog, I noticed a sentence starting with "so", and was reminded of one of my previous blogs where I committed to try, if not succeed, in avoiding the use of the word "so", particularly at the start of a sentence.

So, I have done some data analysis of my last 94 posts, and have found the following (and remember that 83.4% of statistics are made up on the spot):
  • I started a sentence with the word "so" 26 times, including once when I actually started a sentence with two so's
  • Of the blogs that contained a sentence that started with "so", the word count was 24% higher than average
  • there were twice as many mentions of the words Golfy and 'vannin' in blogs that contained the word "so"
  • every blog that did not include the word "so" was rubbish.

So, what conclusions can we draw from these findings?  What insight can we glean from the data presented to us?  What new thinking can I bring to my writing as a result of this information?

Well, obviously, keep using the word "so".  Write it as many times as possible in as many sentences as possible, and maybe even write it twice if I can get away with it (that idea is so so.  Ed.  ha ha).

So, I am now needing one other idea to finish this blog with a bit of pzazz.  As you may be able to tell, I am in my hotel room watching top gear, having just had my room-service dinner (haddock fish cakes and some funny lemon sauce, followed by penne pasta with green and red stuff), quite content knowing I am two paces from the toilet and no paces from a very comfortable bed.  

I suppose I can tell you more about my hotel room.  I booked via the Starfleet inter-galactic booking tool and this was the only one available.  A quick glance at the address showed it to be on Tottenham Court Road, so it passed my "hotel test" for being 1 tube ride away and a short walk the other end.  It is a Radisson, by the way, and very nice it is too.  I can collect some A-Club points in the process.  Unfortunately, checking the map just a little bit more closely reveals it is actually at the far end of TCR, a tube change and 2 more stops, or a walk.  I chose the latter, and with nothing specific to get home for, had a pretty good walk for twenty minutes.  

Check-in was quick, aided by a cheerful employee.  Room service selection was the usual small choice, big price.  However I ate well and fairly healthily for under my dinner allowance, so it passes the room-service test with a creditable 6/10.  There are not so many TV channels as my usual, so 4/10 for that.  The room is well furnished, so 8/10.  The bathroom has a bath, and no mould, and free bath hats, which the family find very useful, so 9/10 for the bathroom.  Coat-hangers are the "cannot be stolen" variety, which is good for hanger attrition, but not so good for my Gloria Hunniford trick for running a hot bath and steaming my shirts on hangers in the bathroom, to save having to iron them.  So 3/10 for hangers.  Also, no biscuits, so 1/10 for that.  Overall score is... sorry, am I boring you? 

Anyhow, gonna sign off now.  Have a good evening, and speak again tomorrow.

P.S.  I wanted to tell you a hotel-related joke, but found these instead.  Nothing to do with hotels, but quite funny, if a little old.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere

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