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Monday, 16 April 2012

I saw this...

... and thought of you.  Made me smile, which is all you can ask.
  • "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." Groucho Marx
This reminds me of the other one which is:
  • "A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't." Anon.
and this one, a definition of "perfect pitch":
  • "When you toss a banjo into a skip and it hits an accordion" - Pamela Stephenson, wife of banjo-playing comedian Billy Connolly

So that was the weekend then?

We had a great weekend, mixing DIY, family stuff and socialising in to a perfect cocktail.  The Saturday evening wedding anniversary was fine.  We knew hardly anyone, which is always a bummer, but managed to find a few people to talk to, including an old friend of my sister's.  The husband ended the evening with his covers band which provided MoR musical entertainment.  Not quite Mark E Smith, but then anyone who likes him tends to expect to be marginalised in any "what music do you like?" discussions.  We were out of there by 9pm also, so this meant we were able to get home in good time, take over from my dad, who was baby-sitting, and get a recorded TV show in before bedtime.

Sunday saw us at lunch with David and Samantha - a lovely roast followed by five, count them, sweets.  Heaven.  We then went down Felpham beach for some stone-throwing, long-jumping and general "get some fresh air after a massive lunch or fall asleep trying".

As for the long-jump competition, needless to say I came second, and in pursuit of first place, I have bruised my instep.  Not actually sure whether you can do such a thing, so for the medically inclined, the bit between my heel and instep arch hurts like hell.

Once home, LO took a turn for the worse, and she was in bed at the same time as the maggots.  I followed at a more reasonable hour, and slept all the way round to sometime early for most, but quite late for me.

Finally, wanted to give a massive WELL DONE to Brad, who ran the London Marathon yesterday.  I don't have the details on his time, but unconfirmed reports say under twenty four hours.  Well done Brad, and see you next weekend.

Have a good week, and speak later.

Friday, 13 April 2012

A couple of Friday Funnies

"Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers - six if one went to Harvard." Edgar R. Fiedler

"If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel."  Will Kommen.

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."  Henny Youngman.

And finally...

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg leg, hook, and eye patch, the sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg leg?"  The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off." "Blimey!" said the sailor.

"What about the hook?"  "Ahhhh..." mused the pirate. "We were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off." 
"Zounds!" remarked the sailor.

"And how came ye by the eye patch?"  "A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.  "Well..." said the pirate, "It was the first day with me hook...."

And . . . relax

I know it has been a while, and from my bulging post bag I know you have all been missing me.  I like to live by the adage "don't let a good story get in the way of the truth".

Due to silly stuff at work, the usual pile up of pleasures and personal invitations, I am going to be brief today.

I very much approve of a two-day week, and maybe two days on and five days off is something I can suggest at our next "bring us your wonderful ideas" days.  This weekend we are at a wedding anniversary on Saturday, starting and ending early so it is child-friendly, for friends who live round the corner.  Sunday may be lunch at David and Samantha's, depending on their general preparedness for the Monday start of the Summer term.  This may well be a "kitchen supper", something most of us had not heard of until fairly recently.  To be honest, as a major donor to David's Euro Lottery Investment Fund business opportunity, a kitchen supper is the least of it.  A few double-digit wins wouldn't go amiss either.  And if we go to lunch with them, we may avoid the usual Sunday afternoon Monopoly marathon, a game which involves a lot of dodgy dealing and ending with world domination by me.

Other than that, I hope to have a fairly quiet and family-friendly weekend.  Until we can sort the insurance claim for the accidental damage to the shower door and shower tray, my main DIY task needs to go on hold, and all the other bits are tiddlers for which an hour will probably suffice.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

First day back to work

So, today is the first day back to work after four days of illness followed by four days holiday wrapped round the Easter weekend.  This means that I have not been at work since 28th March.  That is like a two week summer holiday.

This means that I have returned to work to a ridiculously full Inbox, the modern day sweatshop, and an awful lot of loose ends that have been created, nay unpicked, during my absence.  It is always a bit daunting coming back to work after such a long time off, and it is worse at the moment due to the resourcing challenges that is making everything be cranked up a few degrees.  Hey ho, at least it is keeping me off the streets.

I am also sorting out the fitting of my shower door, which was going well until something went wrong when I was handling the glass panel, I really don't know what happened, despite the insistent questioning from LO, but the result was my shower panel was turned in to hundreds of little safe pieces of glass, and a few not so safe shards.  I have also managed to take a chunk out of my shower tray.  The air was blue (and the F-words were replayed to us by the Maggots later that evening) and the levels of frustration was very high.  And that was putting it mildly.

We have since called the insurance company for advice and have logged a claim for accidental damage, which our policy luckily covered, and we now need to sort the details to try and determine if it is worth the pain and cost of pursuing a claim.  I am now versed in all the techniques for repairing dents, and there are a number of products I could choose to buy, with the main issue seeming to be the colour you put over the resin applied to the dent.  It turns out that the colour white can be in many shades, so I have now logged a call with a company that can do it for you, including colour-matching the final finish, which sounds like a service worth paying for.  I am expecting a call back today to get a quote, and then can evaluate whether it is costly enough for me to go via the insurance route, or cheap enough it is in my best interests to do it myself.

This story will run a while yet.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Wot, no blog?

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if that is the case, then it is probably just as well Starfleet is a remote-working company, because all that man-love can upset a chap's constitution.

The reason, I am sad to say, is due to illness.  Today is day four of sickness, and I am now on antibiotics for a chest infection.  This is an illness that almost feels better if I do nothing, but as soon as I raise a finger, to ring the butler bell for example, then I break out in a sweat and need to "sit down for a while".  Also, all this sweating is doing terrible things to the crease in my plus-fours.

Normal service will be resumed after Easter.  I am hopefully off 'vannin' for 5 nights - here's hoping those drugs do their thing and I get the usual health improvement in day three or four - and then it will be back to work to a terrible mess.  That is not to say my cover is not capable of doing good things, but rather the team is depleted over the holiday period and so the backlog will grow.  Ho hum, that seems a long way off right now, and we all know the truth, or lack of, in that statement.

Have a good break and speak after Easter.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

And . . . relax

I was so relaxed that I didn't get round to blogging until Tuesday.  I had Friday afternoon and Monday off, and a lovely time I had as well.

Friday afternoon I watched the rest of Inglorious Basterds which, despite me agreeing with Mark Kermode that Tarantino does fantastic set pieces, but never stitches them together in to a cohesive film, I thought was rather marvellous.

Saturday was spent in pursuit of Maggot 1's birthday, which was mountain boarding followed by Pizza Hut.  Mountain boarding was "awesome dude" and we had a fantastic couple of hours.  The sun shone and the boys (the Maggots plus four of Maggot 1's friends) thoroughly enjoyed the morning.  The only negative was that LO turned her knee on her first descent* and had to sit out the rest of the session.  And spent the following three days limping as well.

Monday say LO and I shopping in Brighton.  Another lovely sunny day and a fantastic day out, with a lovely meal in the middle.

I am now back from 1.5 days off, to an Inbox that would suggest a week or more absence.  i.e. back to work with a bump.

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Is it Thursday already?

This is my first day working from home, and I have to say that it was all the more stressful for being so.  Thursday and Friday are the days LO has to leave the house by 7.30am - not so early I hear you cry - however we are going through a phase* of not getting up early enough, which makes the get ready routine a very stressful time for all.

Needless to say, the Maggots were delivered to the breakfast club at 7.42am and Scobi was able to get on with breakfast and work.  I have stopped the pain killers today in an attempt to wean myself off the drugs, and so far the cold turkey is not so bad.  The shoulder is aching a bit, but that may well be due to 3 days of driving this week, so I am hoping that I can stop them and feel no adverse effects.  That will then mean I just need the physio to get it back to full working order, and make sure I treat it more gently in the future.

I have Friday afternoon and Monday off, so will have a lovely long weekend.  I had planned a sports massage for tomorrow, but was not sure whether I should go or not with my shoulder, so I rang for advice, which came back much stronger than I had expected.  "I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole.  In fact, my insurance would be invalid if I did".  That sorted that then.

Better get back to work to try and close down all the lose threads that are dangling.

Have a good one, and speak again tomorrow.


--------------------------------------
* a phase that started in our teenage years

Monday, 19 March 2012

What a weekend

Maggot 2 ended up in A&E in Friday evening with a continuous cough and a temperature over forty centigrade.  The on-duty doctor was very concerned, and wrote out prescriptions for steroids and antibiotics, the former to break the coughing spasm lest the poor little cock ended up exhausted and in close down, the latter for the tonsillitis that he has also picked up.  Such is the magic of drugs that his improvement was clear to see within twenty four hours.  In fact he may be back to school tomorrow.

I myself have had a few problems as well.  After tennis Wednesday, I awoke Thursday with a bad pain in my shoulder.  This would naturally just go away all by itself.  Thursday night/Friday morning I spent predominantly sleeping in the downstairs armchair, as the only comfortable place I could find to sleep a bit.  Ditto Friday evening, so on Saturday morning early I also went down to A&E, and spent a pleasant two and a half hours waiting for x-ray and follow up inspection, where I was diagnosed with a level 1 separation of the shoulder joint.

Again, the magic of drugs, in my case anti-inflammatory and pain-killers, and I am like a new man.  I still cannot play the violin, but at least I am able to drive.  This has meant that I have been able to attend the customer office today, and have two further days in the office this week.

Next stage is to get some physiotherapy on the shoulder, and I shall wait a bit before I then turn to my private health insurance to provide the service.

Friday, 16 March 2012

And . . . relax

Another day of illness.  Maggot 2 had one of his hallucinations last night so ended down on the sofa with us until we went to bed, which due to the disturbed night the night before was around 9pm.  We put him on to the Z-bed in our room but he ended up in our bed, but I was on the sofa already so no great shakes.

My shoulder pain is continuing to be a problem.  It has probably got worse over the day, and is a funny thing.  I can do unexpected things like replace the padding and net on the trampoline, which I completed without any great pain by ensuring I did not raise the bad arm over my head.  This is contrasted by the fact that it is very uncomfortable sitting on the sofa, and also to lie in bed.  In fact, at 1am I took a strong pain-killer and retired to the sofa so I could sleep sitting up.  Instead, I ended up watching Russell Howard's Good News, which I have caught from time to time and which is actually very funny.  He had a comic on whose name I cannot remember or find, and he was also very good.  His delivery style was to shout at the audience - doesn't sound so good so far but it was very effective - and then to get slowly more morose as the topic stayed, and remained, on lost love, as it became clear that he himself had lost love, with the story unfolding through jokes, verbal abuse and song.  It was properly edgy and the audience laughed, joined in and, on one occasion, heckled, but in the round were totally on edge not knowing what would come next, as was I.  Hard to explain really, and without a name I cannot even point you to a clip, and it is not for the want of trying.  I have Googled and Googled but with no success.

Back to the shoulder.  I have found that it really is a bit unpredictable as to when it hurts, and it is hard to know where to put it to avoid it causing pain, to the extent that I have now got a sling and keep it in that whenever I can, and while it looks ridiculous - there has been the odd snigger - it really is the most comfortable place to keep it.  My preference, as it is with all men, is that as time passes it will just go away and I can avoid the tedium of medical intervention, and usually I am able to strongly and without guilt support that posture.  This time however, there is a little niggling voice that it is actually quite serious and that I may need to get the professionals involved.  Which is tedious.

"Will I be able to play the violin afterwards doctor?".

"Yes, of course..."

"Great! I never could before!"

I hope you have a pain-free weekend.  Speak next week.

P.S. I thought I would Google "violin jokes", and as usual Uncle Google did not disappoint.  There are actual whole websites devoted to the subject of violin humour.  I am guessing they are a pretty small and inward-looking community, but exist they do.

So, here are some violin jokes.

Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
A: The bow is moving.

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Sit in the back and don't play.

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.

Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: A viola burns longer.

Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin?
A: It is usually still in the case.

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Q: Which is smaller, a violin or a viola?
A: They are actually the same size, but a violinist's head is so much bigger.

Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.

Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek?
A: Because no one will look for them.

Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?
A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

I am sensing a bit of tension between the violin and viola camps, aren't you?

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Illness is stalking us

Maggot 1 can down after bedtime to inform us that Maggot 2 was "having a funny", which is what we call the hallucinations he gets when he has a temperature from a fever.  His glands are now up and he has a headache and sore throat.

This has meant I have had to rearrange my day.  LO has to be at work Thurs/Fri so I am now working at home, keeping an eye on the patient.  This means I am at the kitchen table rather than my office, so am lacking the usual palatial elegance and services to which a chap has become accustomed.  I do have the beautiful new extension in which to sit, so not all bad.

Other than that, the new guy is settling in and I am having to go through the same education and discussions with him to get him up to the speed needed for him to do his job.  This is made less bad by the fact that, due to the resources taken from my team in January, I am in the same pickle now as when I was when the new chap's predecessor started.  I guess I am featuring in my very own Groundhog Day.  Yay.

Rusty Rackets last night was great fun, although I have done something to my playing shoulder that came on during sleep, so I am hoping that it is not my aged body screaming at me to desist from the madness, but rather the unfortunate combination of tennis and a dodgy sleeping position.  If it is the former, then boo hoo coz I am really enjoying playing; if the latter, then "she'll be right" tomorrow.  I have to say that I had warned myself to expect some aches and some pains in places that I neither know I had nor where the sun usually shines, but the level of these are exceeding predictions.  To say I am hobbling around the house like an old man is taking it too far, but LO did give me that funny look today as she left for work.

I feel a charm offensive coming on, and when it comes to charm, no-one can be more offensive than me.

If you could just pass me the Raljex then I shall be in a position to bid you farewell.  Until next time.

Monday, 12 March 2012

Early start

Up early with a wriggly Maggot 2.  He had tried to stay in his bed until 6am.  And failed.  He tried to lie quietly and still in our bed.  And failed.  He tried not to talk about the day and the upcoming 2 slices of brioche bread.  And failed.  I tried to ignore him for a bit.  And succeeded.  I then gave in and got up to furnish the little chap with those items of digestables to which he had earlier referenced.

I am now catching up on work email with a cup of tea on the side, slowly getting cold.  I am anticipating nothing of interest to happen today, so will just doggedly do my work, and patiently wait for time to pass.

Actually, that all sounds a bit negative and not my usual chipper self, so I guess I need my morning shower, a rub down with a loofah and the application of my body creams impregnated with happy juice.

This week will gently flow and there are no nasty bumps expected.  I do have a visit from a new team member from Poland Tuesday to Thursday, so there will be a bunch of inductions and pressing the flesh to get the new chap up to speed.  To be honest, his newness to the role is a bit of a drag.  Not that I can be choosy, since my demand for resources is far out-stripping the supply from my competency, so the only available resources are new to the role, new to our customer and often new to Starfleet.  That equates to a very steep learning curve, one might even say vertical.  In fact, if you have ever seen indoor rock climbing competitions then the learning curve is like that upside down bit that only those cross-bred with flies can traverse.  Nevertheless, induct I must and the sooner I can get him up to speed and doing useful work, the sooner the output of my team will increase, and the sooner the vast backlog can start to be cleared.

In fact, in terms of clearing the backlog, I have done some projections that suggest I need a further five members of the team - and they need to be experienced troopers able to "hit the ground running" - and that number is exceeding the supply by some considerable quantity, in fact taking in to account the fact that they really need to have experience, it is fair to say that the supply issue has just been made worse by an order of magnitude.  Anyhow, I am just a player in what I think it is fair to say is "the resourcing farce" and I need to play my role by calling out what I need, and then allow others to fail in supplying them.

I hope your day similarly flows.